Its my booty-call session

2009-03-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

Stupid Fuck.

I had to go through so much trouble to find the perfect blogskin and now its in chaos.

wtf .

Anyway,in class,while everyone was doing thier own thing waiting

for the substitute teacher to get bullied for another lesson,

Taufiq suddenly turned his back and said this to us ..

'EH da lamer eh tak kite smue tak terkencit dlm sluar?'

Belarrrrrdyyy fuck.It drove everyone to

FULL BLASTING EAR SMACKING LAUGHTERS.

I swear taufiq,kau nye org random nk mampos.random gileeeeeee sia.

This is why school's so fun.

And i cant believe the fact that i'll be leaving all this people to pursue my dreams.

Goodness,the world actually is unfair.

Meeting Mr Macho soon near my place.

Not too sure about the destination we're heading to yet.

I'll updat u soon loverjournal of mine.Dont worry.

your gonna be pimped out real soon. muwah.

got a pocket full of love right here.

2009-03-06T21:03:00.001-08:00

Q has always been there,no matter what.i love you b.

Pure sincerity or what..haha!Im smiling widely now.
This is the definition of why i cant stop loving him.

Trust me there is no one like him,your just so cute.

Emotional & soft hearted.Baby your beautiful to me.

Bitches,you got to envy me now coz i have the greatest

babyboy in the world no doubting that.

I bet u girls are turning green reading this post

ahahaha.toooo baddd he wants mee not youuuu..

*sticks tounge out*

Ok i'll take back what i said about today.It's the most wonderful feeling ever.Im in love like how a fat kid loves cake.For my case its Coffee.Starbucks,here i come.

signing off feeling all relaxed and lovely.thank you.*kisses*

Mybe i should get into fights more often...Im loving the feeling,haha.

anger & resentment..you name it.

2009-03-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

Im torned to pieces i must admit.

its just unbelievable.

if i could only retreat from reality or better still from this world.

Am i to endure the pain?

Those who used to matter to me,were chucked aside because I

felt much more comfortable with you.Like you were all i needed.

Honestly,this feels like shit.I feel like shit.What you did yesterday

was not manly.I dare say it.

No matter how bad the argument was

(which on the contrary was a tineey wineey disagreement)you

should have stood your ground but nooo you had to walk out of it.

Its unfair because it seems like im trashing about

you.I want to fair it off with my doings too but i just cant seem to

dig out any wrong doings of mine here.Im unsure if i even did sth.

Or mybe i just didnt realize it.But staying out late is no crime to me.

As long as i behave right it wouldnt be a problem.

I dont do this often and sometimes i miss the life i used to have

You forgot something..You forgot that im still 17.The age range where

I will most likely experience more things.Your already 20 so i suggest

you start acting your age and respect the decisions I want to make.

Im no trouble maker and neither am i disobedient.So why is it so hard

for you to take the time to think about what i wanna do.

This is not a press conference and its just between us both.It should be

a breeze for you to think clearly.You said you wanted to protect my

image?I thank you for that but let me learn my own mistakes.

I dont want to feel fake because i know how real i am allright.

Anyway,there was no pressure when you were there but

you acted like you were carrying the whole world on your shoulders.

But on the spur of the moment when you left me,my heart stopped.

And i felt like crashing my whole face onto the concrete floor because

I could not believe you did that without even saying a word.

That just shows how little respect you have for me as a girlfriend.

Or mybe it was my fault because i was not playing the role of a strongheaded

girl in the relationship instead i kept on spoon feeding you.

No matter how hard i try,its never enough.

and whats more shocking is that,you didnt even check on me if i was home yet.

This is the first,usually you would..Something is just not right with the beautiful

picture we painted together.I dont know how or what to do to resolve the matter.

I dont expect you to be perfect,but i do expect you to be loyal and honest.
You should have went up to me and said that you felt like going home.

You left without even looking at my face,that was rude.

Were you even thinking at that point of time?

Shocked ?No words can describe the emotions im feeling now.

Dismissively you left,like as if you couldnt be bothered.

im glad my words hit hard on you this morning.It was supposed to.

You left me alone at the end of the day.

You made a mistake by doing so.

Like i said,its only the result that matters after every situation.

Not the situation itself.

i love you and i want to make this work.

but i sense that this is just the beginning of the struggle.

You play a part in it.We can make this better.We have to

fight the war in order to obtain victory.

dont give up just yet cause i'll be fighting every way i can to

keep this flame burning.

I FEEL TERRIBLE TODAY.GREAT.

Carlos n Carly.

2009-02-20T05:54:00.001-08:00

As promised,here are the pictures of my two babies.B1 n B2...hahaha.I wish.
Wouldnt it be awesome if you were to have banana's in pajamas as a pet.
mcm cute gitu kan.
allright2,lets end the nonsense and admire the beauty of my babies.enjoy

more than affection,your the desire.

2009-02-20T03:47:00.000-08:00

Turn the music on loud and shake the stress off.

Thats what i intend to do in the next couple of hours to come.

It's been hectic with school occupying almost every minute of my time.

Oh shit,and the stress of the o levels are beginning to scare me out of my undies.

Time's running too fast and im still walking at my own pace.

Wake up call.ring a bell.

He had to leave for a mission 3 days ago and as lonely as i was,i did not complain.

Never,na-da,zero-O.I was at peace knowing his out there trying to prepare himself

for the worst.If it were to happen,he would be the first to sacrifice all that he has made possible.

How thoughtful of him,it takes much courage to face the most fearsome future,you know.

What a hero i thought to myself as I heard the sound of the guns blasting away on the

morning of the 19th.He could handle the most hastiest situations so well,which most

of it includes me.Its just an honour to be known as his.You've changed the way i see life,now

even the most disturbing sight of you seems to paint such a beautiful picture.Glad?yes,no doubt.

And i'll assure you this,

I'll fall together with you when your knees touch the ground.

I'll sink together with you when tears starts to lure you to drown.

I'll still hold your hand even if you were to lose an arm.

I'll still hug you if your smothered in mud.

I'll accept you at your worst,so dont be shy.

Im more than just a girlfriend.I am your reflection.

If you go through troubled times,you'll never have to feel insecure because im your sheild.

And you're my armour.

Remember when we used to call ourselves the male and female versions of each other ?

Well,we still are,because despite the things we do,i do see me in you,vice versa.

Our desire and passion is just so intense.Its shown that we are indeed different from the rest.Its no mutual infatuation but the devotion is just so selfless.Im fond of everything that is so delicate about you.This is the best i can do with words.Forgive me if i ever did harm you or offend you.I pray that the purity of your touch will remain in me always.To us...

Amour,never seperated.

fucked up.

2009-02-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Its happening way too often and im getting sick of it.
Questioning myself for my own mistakes?
Mine ? Yours ? Ours ?
Its difficult to even try to make an attempt to differentiate between the 3.

So this is my first challenge being 17.
Great,out of all things.
He truely knows where my weakest point lies at.
Wonder how am I going to overcome this misery.

Help.I need You Back.

February girl.

2009-02-05T22:57:00.001-08:00

Growing older became something I wanted to do desperately to accomplish.In fact,every young teen wished they could be older from time to time.Look at how presumptuous i was never to consider growing as a challenge but as an accomplishment instead.This was merely the type of thinking i had when i was young.Now I wished ageing was something i could avoid.
Compare the two pictures above.Look at how much i've grown.Is it not scary to all of you?Soon,you might not even realize your 30,bearing 2 kids,working as a career woman.
Thats one frightening fact right there.But im relived that its only going to happen 10 years down the road from now.At least i can have the chance to stictch up my life before its too late.
However,although time is rushing the clock,I am looking forward to the prospects that lay ahead of me.Wondering if i'll be even more struck by the harsh reality of how difficult each moment would be in the future and how i'll learn from it.Life's pretty interesting and mysterious because you'll always end up with unpredictable surprises.
Well whatever it is,im ageing and maturing as well.So i hope the best for myself and hope i'll be that aspiring person i always dreamt to be when i was a kid.

And to all the people who congratulated me,wished me,sabo me,hit me,pinched me,'molested' me(goes out directly to my class girls),bitched about me,took advantage of me,spoiled me,catered to me and praised me.

Thank you so much because you made me the stronger person I am now.
Im proud to say that im aware of how much i've changed as a person and i'm glad I had to learn how to overcome certain obstacles and learn humanity skills from those around me.
If it was not for you guys and especially my family,
The girl that's typing this post now would not be glowing in the dark in her own way confidently.
To my secondary 5 lovers,you guys are the sweethearts of my life.
Such angels,im sure it'll be a cherished memory in my heart.

And to the february girls,here's a little something i came up with...

February : Fabolously Etiquette Bitches Rocking Unthinkable Accomplishments Naturally Year-long.

I replaced the last R with and N for fun so dont mind it.

There you go.my birthday post.
ooh,and im looking forward to today.
Another celebration (:
see you bitches.<33>Happy 17th Fana Boonana.:D

Shagged.

2009-02-03T02:52:00.000-08:00

The week's flooded with tests and extra classes.Im just enduring with this 'cramping of everything into the head' situation right now.I feel persistent in studying but the fact that it gives me headaches just lures me to loose interest so easily.But no,i'll not give up.Guess its going to be world war 3 with me and the books.I wished the scientists invented a device that could suck all the information out from books and then restoring it into our brains just by clicking a switch but then again hard work pays off.So why be lazy right.RIGHT FANA.(-.-)'

Just got back from school,look at how late it is,its 15 minutes to 7 in the evening and i went to school at 6 in the morning.People should congratulate me with the attitude i have towards school now you know.Wonder why they dont do that.Haahaa.I would feel so much more appreciated.yeah,whatever.lol.People just dont realize how good i am.Why?because most people in this world are just too obsessed with themselves and what thier doing.Try to spare a thought for those around you.You dont just go up to someone bossing them around like your some queen.

Well your standards of queens are those located at the butt i guess.Filthy filthy bitch.

Your not living in your world sunshine,wake up.Your living in MINE as well so stop treating us like we're dogs and have some respect or im gonna be slicing dog meat for dinner.

what a waste.Girls dont hate on other girls just because other girls are much more attractive than you.Thats just plain blonde behaviour.Like dont you have brains to think?Bunch of low self esteem people.Come on,pretty girls are just lucky to have looks,but they still go through what you go thruogh,live life like how you do.But they have to put up with MORE critisisms and rumours,all thanks to people like you.Have a heart,stop being so jealous.What can you gain from doing this ? Nothing.exactly.If your a bitch,and your actually proud of it.it shows what type of ill considerate girl you are.Come on,your degrading yourself with your OWN mouth.If your already low in IQ,dont try to act smart.You'll make yourself look stupid.So a word of advice.Just DONT.

Gracey's inviting me for dinner tomorrow at her place.She's cooking for me.Sweet aye.See what i mean when it comes to affection.It doesnt have to always be from someone you care about.Im excited about playing with her dog.From what gracey told me,she's pretty adorable i must say.

Cant wait.Cant wait.What a friend (:

And its 2 days away from my big day.17 soon baby.

Wonder whats in store for me in school.

I have a bad feeling about this.They must be

up to mischeif.Whatever it is I hope it'll make everyone's

day.Dont worry i'll come prepared for anything.

Update soon.SEE YOU TOMORROW GRACEY <33

cookies with milk on a saturday morning

2009-01-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

Its saturday and im going to be home all day.
why?
due to my sun burnt skin which is peeling bit by bit.
I think i look like a walking polka dot creature.
Colours : Dark brown & Light brown.
Oh lord help me.

On a brighter note,i have new healthy skin appearing on

my face but the irony of waiting for it to spread evenly is
taking too long.I need my skin to recover fast but i cant
do nothing about it.Which has been pulling my mood down
alot.

Saturday's are supposed to be the day loverboy and me spend
time with each other and im missing out on it today which kills
my mood even more cause i wont get to embrace his cute face.
Or kiss his soft fatty cheeks and play with his small jelly like fats
around his waist.Goodness,i miss him so much and i cant even
get a chance to show it.Shit.Bullshit.There's another reason why i
dont wanna meet him up though,and he knows why.So its uncessary
for me to spill it out right here.

I am frustrated now but like I said i can do nothing about it.
I'll just have to be patient and wait.And baby dont blame
yourself about the sunburn incident.Its not anyones fault.
I should have known better to have brought protection
for my skin.Everythings fine now.Im just bugged because I
will not be able to meet my muscle man.Hmm,another boring
saturday coming up I guess.

Im thankful that carlos & carly are around though,at least they
will be keeping me company through out this sulking day.
sulk sulk sulk.That is the main feeling predicted today.Enjoy your
saturday people.Dont choose to waste it like me.Have a jolly good
time.

i miss you like fuck.

Still kissing you

2009-01-30T18:35:00.000-08:00

I'm so in love
I'm still in love
I've never been in love quite before
until I saw your face
and watching stars without you
my soul criesmy hething heartis full of pain
when we're apart the achingI'm kissing you
I'm kissing you

You're my father
you're my soldier
you protect me,
boy you save me
you're my best friend
you're my husband
you are my doctor,
counselor,provider,
professor, my everything

And I love you, I love you, I love you, yes I love you
I need you, I need you, I need you I can't live without you
I trust you, I trust you, with every ounce of me
Just teach me, boy teach me, just take me

When we make love I can feel all your spirits
deep inside of me
Baby you're so pure
I'm Kissing you forever, and ever, and ever
I love Kissing you (kissing you, kissing you)
Boy I love everything about you baby
it's been so many years since we fell in love
we got something special babywe can cry together
we can grow together be ourselves togetherand
I love you more than music
yes I love you more than music

I rather be kissing you, oh I'm kissing you oh (kissing you, kissing you)

Beyonce - still in love(kissing you)

Escapade.

2009-01-30T05:28:00.000-08:00

I dont mean anything to the world but i mean the world to you.
I tend to ponder about your past but your smile distracts me into serenity.
Like an escapist,you never fail to be positive.
You dont realise how much you've sacrificed for this miracle to
happen eventhough i know you will never want to admit it.

Its not easy to notice my objectives,but you of all people sees it.
You never fail to take the blame for every wrong turn we make.

I am awry to judge you by your flaws,but your flaws were the keys to my heart.
You call me beautiful not for my appearence but for the person I am.
I set aside my senses when im with you because I feel secure.

Its unecessary for me to speak for you to feel the way i feel.

Its never a need for me to apologise f

or my emotions because you know me better.
You'd cater even to the smallest of needs.
You never once did objectify
For a guy,your never calculative over the things we've done.

Its hard for a man to potray this towards a girlfriend all due to

his ego.Its nice to see a change.You have no idea how very proud i am of
you.There's no denying that other girls would die to be in my shoes.

How could i ever hate you when all i ever needed was you.

everything is you,all is you.

Humans can never get enough of the better and thus

they always demand for more,this leads to addiction.

Which applies perfectly to my situation
My emotions can never get enough of your love thus
they always demand for more.Due to how distant we always are.

Now its obvious,Your my addiction and as long as you're around,

the addiction will never cease.

Im no hopeless romantic and im not too extroadinary with my words.

But all you need to know is that i'll stick with you no matter the consequences.

I cant be without you.

I have more care to stay than will to ever go.

EXACTLY.

Supreme One's album !

2009-01-30T04:21:00.000-08:00

hey people.
A close friend of mine supreme is promoting
his album to increase the amount of local
talent we have.
Check it out allright,very very nice album
done by a very very nice guy.
Oh and im in one of the tracks too.
(I actually forgot about that untill supreme reminded
me to put it up) *laughs*

let me know if you're interested in buying the
album.

Oh and just for extra info,he was the one performing
together with Kay Swisha on Live n Loaded.So go for
it and shake your butts of listening to it.It would be
a great workout for the body too. * laughs again*

omg so lame.Ok!Ok!Go check it out ok.You can get it
at the esplanade shop in the esplanade mall unit #02-02.
Couldnt it be anymore obvious (-.-)'

Now run along and go support local talents.We need them
to shine baby.

Concrete love.

2009-01-23T22:53:00.000-08:00

Im exceptionally bored at the moment,its a saturday and my ass is lazing off like nobody's buisness.I need to get out soon because school has already taken about 90 % of my life and im left with another 10 % to enjoy.Seriously,10 %,tell me how pathetic can it actually get.But no matter how tough school can potray in everyone's minds,school is not too bad after all.With great teachers,lovable classmates and adored air conditioned classrooms.It could not be anymore wonderful.
(This line almost sounds like the one in the spiderman movie ' With great power comes great responsibility' see the resemblence?)haha.ok now thats pretty lame anyway back to the post.

There's this teacher in school who is our current favourite,that is Mr Leonard Ong.He's our CME teacher and he's one cool dude who drives a mini cooper.LIKE (@&$) ~
No joke,he actually owns one.Plus he's a great guy with the most outrageous personailty and he laughs at his own jokes which make us laugh at him afterwards.It reminded me of my baby Q though,like whenever he does that.Such an interesting idiot.He is an idiot,a really educated one infact.

Keemy's mum called me a few days ago,acknowledging me about his aunts birthday celebration today at his uncles house.So im guessin that i will most probably be spending my whole saturday at bedok together with keemy's uncontrollably crazy family.Which is in a good way of course.Well i'll just reward her with my presence for her birthday gift then.lol.

Babyboy's booking out at night.Which gives me the oppurtunity to go get my fake eyelashes at woodlands.Like finally,yeahhhhhhhhh man.(-.-)
I've been craving for it so badly.Its been awhile since i last dress my eyes up but then again im just too freaking lazy to get off my bed.Untill then,i'll be waiting for his call.Thinking of occupying myself with some good chocolatey indulgence.
Why not right?Speaking about indulgence,Akeem owes me gummy bears.He promised to get me some last week and he has not fufilled it yet.BIGFATLIAR.IHATEYOU.

News Flash - I've got 2 new kids ! (:
Carlos and Carly.Long story on how we actually got them but all that matters is that thier sleeping soundly right beside me now.I'll be updating about them in the next post so dont worry.Keep your mind wondering.I too remembered that I owe you guys a post about akeems used to be girlfriend.Dont worry,if you thought i forgot about it then your dead wrong.I wont sleep on it untill i get that post done.

Whatever it is all's good for now and im blessed with so many good things that has happened but i'll always be expecting the worse.So dont think you can get me by surprised cause i'll be well prepared if someone one tries to snatch something away from me.I will be READY,MIND YOU.

To my beloved camy,i miss you so very much.

Camy.

2009-01-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

Its funny how can life go by so fast.
How a small wrong step could end your life or how short time can seem when you start loving something so much.
Not knowing when it'll drift away from you,you just carry on giving the fullest amount of compassion you can give.
Its heartbreaking when things go wrong.Especially towards someONE who puts u to peace,calms your mind or even makes you feel like you belong somewhere somehow.
The desire for her warmth never seems to stop hoping you would feel it everyday when you get back home.
She greets you at the door,she sleeps on your skin,she accompanies you whenever you feel lonely.She may be an animal but she caters to your emotions more than how a human could ever do.Tell me how am i supposed to let go of something so precious like that in just a blink of an eye.
2 hours ago she was just right infront of my eyes,playing with her favourite stuffed toy,mr fish.How could i be so careless,how could i not see it coming when i've experienced it myself a few days back.
It was a sign and i was just too blind to even realize it.Now im shedding tears knowing she'll never come back.Digging into my own heart to make her know that she was more than something to me,she was SOMEONE.She was so special,even more special than the people who i cared for.She was my babygirl and now she's gone.
This opened up my eyes,you can never be too sure about anything.In a snap,it might just vanish.
It happened so sudden.No,too sudden that is.Watching her grow so fast,it hurts so much to even think of how unfair things can get for her sometimes.She was my princess who loves attending to everyone's needs.She's always updating herself on us.She's always concern,you can tell.At least i could,even mum knows.Now,I can no longer hear her bells ringing,or feel her warmth on my bare skin.I have no choice but too accept change.But i just want her to know this...

the very day i found you.i knew you needed me.you cuddle in my arms so perfectly,like a baby in a mother's care.You stared at me so innocently with those round green eyes.You were gorgeous.Even more beautiful then the sunset.You dont know how much u mean to me.Akeem is my poetry,but you were the lyrics.

thank you camy,for guiding me through the hardest times eventhough we're from seperate worlds.You understood me.And thats what i treasure most.I love you.I heart you and I'll always remember you.Your name's engraved in my heart.Forever will it be babygirl.

cricket sounds.

2009-01-15T05:26:00.000-08:00

Ok this i gotta say,i just signed up for facebook due to boredom.
I swear my patience is running thin at this very moment.
Where's all the excitement.I need it FAST.

signing off boredly,fat bored kid.xoxo

gratitudes.

2009-01-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

So,its my first post for 2009.No fancy stuff just yet cause nothing quite interesting has happened but as usual i am looking forward towards the days that im gonna be living by.I know i promised to update about new year and the last few days of 2008 but I was just too shagged to even get on my keyboard to start typing.Guess it was the 2009 blues.And know im starting the early jazz.
ok lame (-.-) .

Allright,lets start afresh,i dont think that theres a need to know what happened on new years eve cause it didnt went too well.Lets just accept the fact that its the past and that the past should remain untouched.So here i am now in secondary 5,yes i repeat secondary 5,im an 'o' level candidate.Ok i think you people are probably screaming omg in those empty good for nothing heart of yours,hater.'O' levels screams my name this year and in return im screaming for HELP.

So far im coping quite well with my academic studies.Maths is truning into a favourite subject.Tell me about it,your suprised?Im freaking out because i think maths is interestingly irritating.I need to digress from this topic.Its taking up too much of my precious brain memory.All the best to me though.Im expecting a total downgrade in my social events due to my mugging.Oh well,i'll just have to endure this one year.Oh and here's a fun fact,my mum's eager for me to try out for Singapore Idol 3,if there is even one.She said this....

'hey,kak siti why not try out for sg idol 3?I want to see you shine' - mama

'dont want la maaa,im already shining,look at my oily face..hahaha' - me

'oik,mama not joking la,i wanna see you on tv,so you'll make me proud' - mama

'are you trying to say that im not doing enough now ? :/' - me

'No,you know im your number 1 fan and i want to share my daughters
lovely voice with the world,you dont get that alot in singapore you - mama
know kak,its very rare'

'Then O levels how?What if i cant juggle?' - me

'Your starting to sound like your uncles n aunties,ade2 je alasan tau
kalau pandai jaga masa,siti tetap akan lulus in whatever u do,just
believe in yourself no matter how many people condemn you,just bolayan' - mama

'bolayan or whaaat,my mum's turning into a minahrep.LOL.i love you ma' -me

How cute is that.I just finished chatting with mum and i've come to a conclusion that human needs are undesirable.If one does not know thier limits,thier bound to suffer from permanent head damage.HAHAHAHA.what in hell's world was i thinking.
Its true though,people who think too much end up doing nothing because they've already wasted thier time thinking.Its always advisable to actually share your thoughts with someone else so it'll liften your burden.On the contrary,I've been doing alot of emotionally supporting kinda chats with the girls and boys.

It touches me because they look at me as a place for comfort and i thank all you grateful people who see me in that way.You are one of the reasons why this life of mine seems so meaningful when people think its meaningless.You guys deserve so much in life for your good doings,im sure he'll reward you someday somehow.Now its time for me to hit the sack because i have school to attend tomorrow.As monotonous as i sound,i am crazy about going to school because its pushball day today ! The girls will roar like lions and charge like beasts.Not joking.lol

anyway i have a very interesting post coming up about a girl who doesnt really know what to expect from life.This particular girl has threw so many golden chances away just by making the wrong decision to satisfy her own needs.Now she's starting to regret and miss it.Pity pity that little kitty.Hear her meowing for attention.Im going to get this done with in my next post.Dont miss this.

And my ns man is doing very fine with me thank you.We didnt need your concern anyway.

To be continued....

oh and here are some pictures of me when i just got my new lappy.I was playing around with the webcam like a kid.Im just in love with my new lappy.Got it as an early birthday present.Thanks mummy,daddy.wo ai ni forever & always..enjoy (:

Swanlake.

2009-01-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY :

Azra called me early in the morning just to remind me about todays plan which was malaydance.Yes laugh all you want.I had to fill in for her junior who was on a holiday.It was surprisingly fun trying to cope with the dancesteps after 5 whole years of not practicing.If only my joints were made from gears then you would be able to see how rusty i was.I looked like a penguin trying to fly.Funny huh.But in the end i did get the steps right and i ended up being as graceful as a swan during the performance.
Mr akeem met me at the performance area,and as usual he complimented me on the way i looked simply because he has never seen me in our traditional dance costume before.I could tell that he fell in love with it or something else which is obviously me(-.-).He suggested that I should actually be doing more of this to take up my time.I have the pictures but its in my dads cell and its abit complicated to transfer them to the comp.Dont worry though,i'll try to get it done soon enough.The performance ended around 9.30 and baby wanted to cab to arab st to get my hummus.(go get it at mosi cafe.Its absurdly finger liking good,lol).
Met up with mizan,fakir and dilly there.We didnt stay for long because the atmosphere was not really soothing so some of them decided to go off.But mr ns and me wanted to spend more time with each other so we cabbed to marina barrage.yes the new place,somewhere we've never went before.The view and the place itself was breathtaking.Its was marvelous.I really hope that the construction is going to be an apartment building because i wouldnt mind buying a place which is located at such a peaceful place like that.Akeem found out something about me there.Thats between me n him.Im not blurting out anything about that.Utter most apologies guys.Dont think too much allright.Its nothing bad and nothing serious.

kpo ah kpo. -.-'

Well after taking considerable trouble to understand each other more so that we wont be engaging in more disagreements.We left for handsome's house.On the way back we bumped into alyph,syarif,raihan and the guys.Keemy was not really feeling well so we just greeted and left.I especially loved that saturday because one particular person was so passionate and honest that it actually opened my eyes to see how pure he actually is.My baby,so fragile yet so strong.Your complicated and moody but at the end of the day you never fail to make my day.Be it with just a sweet kiss or the way we handle situations with both our hearts.Your magical.To me,you really are.

SUNDAY :

Slept over at keemy's the day before.His mum invited me to a 'kenduri' at his unties house.As pernormal i was enthusiastic about going due to a couple or reasons.

His baby cousin (nurin christina)
His other younger cousins who know me as kak fana.(dont laugh at this) :/
His uncle who loves to pick a fight with me.
And the amount of happiness i feel when im out with them.

But tragically something happened and im not going to touch on that simply because i have to respect his family's privacy.Lets skip to the fun part because you guys deserve the best.
Headed to khatib after that.Its sort of like a park but at the same time like a perfect place to have fun activities with your family.There was swan paddling.I scurried down to the bumper car area.I was like ' I havent rode this in ages ! Wah ader bumper car seh ! ' and so there i was acting like a happy fat kid.I certainly felt like i was 8 again.They have paintball and fishing too!Its not gonna be very long untill my next visit.I could tell that akeem and his family waere definitely having fun.Lightens my heart to see them smiling and laughing happily.Well that was the weekends.Im gonna update you about countdown soon.Kisses Xoxo

no man no glory.

2008-12-24T14:29:00.000-08:00

Its almost coming to 7 in the morning right now and my baby's sound asleep.You guys should see his face at this very moment.Im so tempted to pinch his cheeks or give him a sweet peck but i have to be a respectful lady towards his parents because im actually at his house now.Fakir and his parents are having a 'so-called-discussion' about a 'certain topic' which has been bugging fakir for quite sometime.Come to think of it,i think i should be having one with my parents too.

*mampos aku kene sodok ngan baseball bat bapak aku nanti*

Grace & Supreme came over to akeem's house to chill and get to know the parents.Mama showered grace with full of interesting life stories of the hardship which she went through while she was undergoing both her pregnancies.She's another joker,aah this is so useful.Such a loving family.Im extremely happy for him.At least i know he'll have a wonderful family to fall back on to if anything goes wrong.Which i hope things wont.

But its a pity because gracey and supreme had to go off early due to gracey's sister.4 hours before that we were spending our christmas eve at orchard road.Yes,i loved the decorations and the lights but the thing that annoyed me the most was the Fucking Snow Spray.I fucking hate it.Like hate hate hate hate hated/hatred/hating anything that gots to do with the word hate.Yes my middle finger up in the air pointing towards each and every snow spray.They we like spraying like mad hooligans who just got sprayed by my mums sambal belacan in the eyes or something.It was bloody chaotic and stuffy for goodness sake.I dont know how many times i screamed the word fuck.I was about to kick someone in the ass sia.

we caught twilight before that terrible incident.The movie is superbly romantic and dumb which is kind of cute to me.Standing ovation for the person who wrote the script and plotted it perfectly.So much emotions and confusion in one scene.How deeper can that get people.Its a 100 percent MUST watch.Oh and my handsome ns man wished he could be a vampire.A vegetarian one just like the hero in the movie.That was quite humourous though.Anyway im anticipating for part 2.I might be getting the book even,New Moon if im not mistaken.Other than that everything went great.what a way to celebrate christmas.Right now im just excited about the countdown.2009.me,life,new stepping stones,secondary 5,turning 17.I know im gonna have more drama in my life but till then i hope all goes well.Merry christmas to all.

sugar rush.

2008-12-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

Yes people,its been too long,too long indeed.
I've been paying too much attention to my life that i have forgotten about my online journal.
And you people still visit my blog just to check out if i've updated it.
i feel so loved and appreciated.
so i guess i shall start by showering you with christmas greetings.Merry Christmas to those who are celebrating,hope it will be a joyful one for you.
On a brigther note,there will be loads of christmas sales for us girls.I am extremely excited about that actually.Need to do more shopping since i've been stuck at home most of the time.
Now now,i need to express this now and express it freaking well.

I AM SUFFERING FROM FOOD POISONING AND I FUCKINGLY HATE THIS FUCKING BAD BACTERIA ROAMING IN MY FUCKING STOMACH.ITS NOT ONLY ATTACKING THAT AREA BUT MY PRECIOUSLY HEALHTY HEART TOO.CURSE YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING ASS LICKING EXTREMELY IRRITATING BAD BACTERIA.CURSE YOU.

to add on to that i've vomitted for at least 15 times yesterday and i feel like digging into my own stomach to remove the insides of my intestines out so i could find the source to this never ending misery.Oh lord i pray to you for my recovery.You have no idea how saddening it is to trouble the ones around you because your in such a state.I thank all of you,my family,especially my mum and my lovely brother because they took such good care of me through out the day.To a very special person which is akeem's mom who called me so many times just to see if i was recovering, i am sincerely touched.Not forgetting my baby who was on the phone with me through out the lonely hours of the night and for worrying so much for nothing too.i love you.

Once this horror movie is over,im going to be the most appreciative person i can be knowing that people actually care so much.On the other hand i am dying for food.I cant digest anything just yet because whatever goes in goes out.I mean not out they way its supposed to be exactly but out as in if you reverse the freaking cycle.I cant even drink healthy plain water.It'll just end up in the bathroom's sink after 10 minutes or so.please save me.

omg.and i hate my brother.He's eating macD's filet-o-fish in front of me and i can smell the delicious mayo rubbing against the tenderness of its perfectly fried fillet.Major squinting of the eyes :/ uggh.

Ok enough about the emotional distress.I shall now turn to the happier moments of my not-exactly-very-interesting life.But you guys still insist upon reading my whining words so i shall be superwoman for the day to not disappoint you.

' scratches head ' lol.

I've been having killer memorable moments with mr akeemo,hohoho.ok i had to do that.feeling2 santa clause.What.it rhymed ok.shh.laughs.ok lets get back to this.He's been such a sweetheart.Wait he has always been a sweetheart but whatever he's been taking care of miss boss quite well.Screw the disagreements,they're normal.One thing i love most about him is that he never gives up like at all.Be it Ns or in this love tied relationship.He'll still be headstrong even when he feels like shit.Dont you find that adorable.'alalalala shayanggg.' like how most malay aunties will react to cute gestures.haha.eh im not an auntie eh if that actually crossed your mind.Its just fun to mimic them.Oh boy,your so comical with your stupid antics.I reckon that i wont be able to really express how it feels like when your around me after trying to for countless of times.No wonder your in love with me.whaaaaaaat.Naah,im just being that egoistic princess who wont admit that she has the most wonderful angel to have experienced love with.bet your liking the 'shakespear shit' rightt.lol
oh art thou thou makan chicken pau pau.-.-'

Yeah so we had a chalet with Supreme,Gracey,Khabi,Fakir,Akeemo (hohoho) haha and this one guy who cracks us up everytime about his pool story,the star Dinnezel.He actually went for a swim in the pool's chalet without removing his ciggie out from his shorts and it was floating happily untill the lifegaurd noticed it bringing almost everyone to tears due to their non stop laughter.Gracey got really drunk together with her screw loose boyfriend.Funny couple.Must must be adored.I've been going out with akeems family alot too.yeah.Basically thats it.I cant remember most of my outings plus im just to lazy to be blabbering about almost everything that happened.So cliche you know.lol

and another thing,i think you people have been dying to know about my n level results right.
as heavy my heart is to be saying this....
'long pause with sad face'
I actually scored 10 points and got PROMOTED.PROMOTED.PROMOTED.
i still cant believe that word.PROMOTED.
i felt like my jaw literally dropped to the floor when my teacher repeated the word PROMOTED.
Well that only means that there'll be no fun n games for me in 2009.I'll be an official NERD.
Cant wait to see what that outcome is like.Best wishes to me.On another note,i'll be having an air conditioned class rooms.Tell me how am i going to keep myself attentive when the air around me only screams sleeep.lol

a couple of days back i was so bloody bored that i came up with this as my personal message in msn..Are you sleeping Are you sleeping brother john brother john,its early in the morning,early in the morning,time to watch PORN,time to watch PORN.Cracked me up like a mad cow man.Gracey was having fun with it too.I received a call from Q baby too.She's in KL for a short holiday trip with her family.Hope you return safely love.Oh and im expecting some goodies.
wideeeeeeeee smile pleasee.

well i think its becoming too wordy again.i'm just going to finish up the rest of the post with the pictures allright.have a joyful christmas.

the lighter to my ciggarette.(:

2008-11-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

Aight its official,i miss my hair :( so much for being miss confident.*laughs*

i love it when i hear ya name.
got me sayin' baby baby baby baby.

Im regretting the days,i know you know that this was going to happen.
No wonder you kept on saying nevermind.Lesson to be learnt i guess.
I knew i would feel like this,i knew this was too true to fake,ignoring
only made it worse.The feeling's killing me.I cant sleep,I feel dumb.
but i still cant escape from the fact that i miss you tremendously.
Wished that words did not exist so it wouldnt sound so cliche.
Your a bitch,i swear.A very cunning one too.
I hate you for that.
Hope your doing fine out there,only god knows.
Keemy's being a good little sport.
She's so obedient.
Which is why i always think of you.

ur like the drug that relieves my pain.
so shower me with pills ok once your home ?
*laughs*

See i never feel lonely with you around.
Even if i was alone at home.Now i have to
pull through a whole week without you.
It doesnt hurt,its just emotionally torturing.
You dont know what you've done to me.
I need you so desperately,Its kinda sick how
im stuck on you,you know.But im not gonna
care cause your just too wonderful and how
i feel will remain the same cause your ma man.
Now now, dont get yourhead too high up in the sky.
That dont mean that im afraid to say
NO and mean it allright soldier.

still,i hate you for this...
Ahh.

bile la kau nak balik ni.sedih tau aku.
cepat2 lari kat aku k nnt bile kau nampak
aku.kalau tak aku lari kat kau.Danger oi.
hahahahahahahahahaha.

Yunisha's first tattoo.Absolutely adorable baby.

The star of the post.Presenting this irresistable NS man,my man i mean,Keemy baby.(:

You got it all,the power to take over mine.
xoxo.

strikes 12.

2008-10-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

i dont know why,but im missing my ever so blur girlfriend miss anthea alot.meet up soon semut.

anyway im not as excited about the weekends as i thought i would be,weird.I just hope going out with my darling bestboyfriend would help cheer me up.If i even get out of the house that is.We planned to hit the ice field,ice skating of course.Been such a jolly long time since i went there but i doubt that will happen though.-_-'' happy weekends to all of you then.

if i could turn back time,i would.I want to show you how much you've changed since then,but i dont know how to.You've become a different person towards me,i swear.Before you'll regret,i'll pray that you'll realise soon enough.I know you know that only you can change your ways,nobody else can teach you how to.You act strong and powerful around others but your heart is weak crying for help on the other side.& im ashamed of myself because all i can do now is wait and do nothing.
- xoxo iloveu my sister.

If im ugly then SO ARE YOU.(:

2008-10-31T07:32:00.001-07:00

Butterflies.

2008-10-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is my deskstop's wallpaper.
Just thought I should share this with you people.
Her words calms me down,and makes me feel better in everyway.
Hope it does the same for you guys too(:

emotionally maddening.

2008-10-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

Look around,the world is full of perplexities,puzzlements and peculiarities,all just begging to be explained.But what happens when the world runs out of answers,answers which will determine what we are going to prioritize in our future.Sometimes being a person is so confusing.Our minds like to ponder about things that are unecessary.Its sad to say though,because some of this unecessary thoughts will bother you,making you feel insecure and unreasonable.When human's start to be too observant,things might just go out of hand.Words will hurt and actions will make matters worst.I sometimes wish humans would be a little more thoughtful towards what they say about another because i believe in karma(what comes around,goes around).
And to me,karma is the most cruel punishment that exists.To discriminate others totally reflects on the type of person you are.Dont you realise that you're discriminating yourself too? :/
Its just pityful to think about what karma does to people like you and its even frightening when you try visualing.To every mean person out there, i hope u would take a step back to remind yourself about what life is really about so you could refrain from a cursed future.Good luck to those who insist on stubborness.Stop being so difficult.Its better to prevent than to risk.Start doing good,it'll help you people alot.Spiritually & mentally.Take late Mother teresa for example.Im sure she'll touch that cold blooded heart of yours.I'll leave you with one of her enlightening quotes.

" If you judge people,you will have no time to love them " - mother teresa

middle finger in the air.

2008-10-30T03:27:00.001-07:00

''OH AND ANOTHER THING I HATE TWO FACED
MOTHER FUCKING LIARS LIKE YOU.''

white tigress.

2008-10-30T02:48:00.000-07:00

allright,this i got to bring up.What's wrong with people nowdays,please try to explain to me why the world's become so cruel out of a sudden.Every hardship now has been cramped into one big hideous black hole.Why does it have to be this way?do they even realise why you even dare to do what your not supposed to?Do they even think twice about what trouble it might get you into if you go against the rules?I know at some point it may seem like an excuse,but why do they have to just look down upon you thinking you were just putting false hope on them.Has it ever occured to you that I have tried doing everything just to make you happy.Its not that im bringing up the past,im just shocked at how low you've reacted to this.Your my everything and you know i would do anything to cater to your needs.I just hope this wont get in the way of our friendship.I know your going through alot right now.Your at this stage of life where you just want to give up and give your final fairwells to the world.Think,you know your stronger than this,you know your struggling at this moment.All you have to do is to gather up whats left of you to stand tall.This is just another stage of life,treat it like that.Do not be pyscho-ed by the words of fear.Let your emotions take control of itself rather than your mind.I know you can do it,dont let fear eat you up.Its hard,i understand but you cannot let it get to you.You know your gonna get through this shit and im gonna be there for you.Even if you do criticize me,do not for a meer second think that im giving up on you.Your my angel and you will always be.I need you to be strong.For the sake of yourself and me.These words might just seem normal to you but to me these words are from a friend who looks up to you and envy's you for the person you are.So be that person now and do not loose out to your own emotions.

Go get them.

sexy ass boys :D

2008-10-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

One Last by Linh - Taufik Batisah

a duet recorded by 2 unknown guys.
they sound BETTER than taufik.
my favourite song yet

& i find this guy MAD SEXY.
damn he's fine.ROFL.

Dear lie.

2008-10-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

"Being hurt by your love isnt
the same as getting hurt by someone you cant be with."
- shaheer

whyy ohh whyy i question myself.
The past will never stop haunting.It never fails to make us feel happy or sad about something.A mixture of both i suppose.This usually happens when you think about all the mistakes you've made and the people you've treated badly.When you realize its too late,you'll grief for a moment
thinking about how foolish you were to let go of a blessing which was in disguise all along.
Thats how people move on.Thats how life works.Thats why its so unfair.Thats the reason why love is never to be questioned because you'll never get any answers.Thats when you'll get stuck in your own world,finally realizing that life is way complicated than you thought it would be.

god damnit.

2008-10-29T02:11:00.000-07:00

NenekkaunyeMotherfreakinlembulaaaaaEH?!

thats all i've got to say right now.
Yes my dad has officially CONFISICATED my cell.
Curse that autoroaming device.That thing just lures people into having the tendency to send msgs when your out of the country.It's partially my fault too
because i couldnt resist not to reply to any msgs i got
while i was in melaka a few weeks back.
now all that im left with to enjoy in this house of mine
is the rudeness of my good for nothing sister and my freestyle
rapper mum who wont stop nagging about the past.
Oh someone please save me.
- damsel in distress xoxo

its like nothing else matters.

2008-10-28T01:34:00.000-07:00

This past week has been filled with nothing but awkward situations,heartbreaking ones too mybe.

Sometimes i do wish that life wont torture us too much because some humans are just weak at heart.(directly points fingers to MYSELF)

Each time you deal with your frustrations,your supposed to feel better after that but why do some people feel like they've got thier life cursed due to thier own actions.
Was it wrong to act that way towards her?As a sister?As the one with the upper hand?
If it wasnt,why do i feel like the angels are pleading me guilty ?
I know i am no one to have done that,but if nobody's gonna care,why shouldnt i step in.
well wadever then,that was that.
i swear on my life what happened was never going to happen again and should never too.
it was just too bitter to take in.Im no rebel,Im no abuser.
I know im better than that and im gonna try all i can to fight fire with water.
all i know is that i love her too much to ever lay a hand on her again.
im sorry.
that was my thursday night.

SATURDAY :
its my day out,Keemy got out of camp,Q was headin out together with her cousin to meet us at Arab st.There was a launch for sub clothing there if i was not mistaken.
Keemy met me at choa chu kang around 7.Poor boy had to wait for me.(so the star karat i know)
but all's good cause he's gotten used to it.*laughs*
He was looking fly as usual but i was looking more attractive.ROFL.
We headed down to far east to get chippy's and ciggies.
we took a cab to arab st because Q was dying of boredom at the show.
The show was actually pretty dead because it wasnt the usual hiphop aura.This was at arab st where most of them are laid back dudes & dudettes.
Well it was a bummer because most of us were under 16.that was the first time they even asked for our iD.Like wtf.
Q suggested that we leave the idea of sheesha-ing and proceeded to do something even more exciting which was belly dancing.
i was jumping for joy when i heard that,keemy looked disappointed because we were gonna leave him alone to sheesha with his other mates but too bad cause girls gotta do what they do best.
It was extremely fun as we were shaking our big fat butts off.
The climax was when Q found a vengaboys cd.It was like caveman years ago when we last listened to that.It was a pretty joyful moment with zeeroc,nadia & my baby.
Q went off around 12,me and keemy met up with the boys for a lil while and then headed off to our usual hang out spot.
Updated him about what happened on thursday night and he had his own opinions about whatever i did.We almost got into a fight though,who ever said that bestfriends dont disagree.
Well,he's an elder brother,but a sister's love towards her siblings are way different but he understood what my intentions were towards the end of the conversation.
He always does,even if he gets on my nerves sometimes.He'll do anything to make me realise im actually living in the real world.
thats what bestfriends do and i love him for that.

Sunday :
Proceeded to keemy's house to visit his family for raya which ended up as a normal day out with them.Oh how much i missed you guys.I just cant express that in words.It was nice see-ing mama,hugged her.oh my she lost weight tremendously.Papa was being his usual cute self karaoke-ing with his two kids.Fakir was looking good.Cik chom..AHH cik chom..always cool in whatever she dresses herself in.Well,we headed to meet cik siti & cik hamid at thier mum's house.Then after the children were fast asleep the adults and the other YOUNG adults went to mustafa centre for a night out.We walked along the alley where they had the prostitutes and the gays.Most of us got excited,especially fakir & cik hamid.But not many of the doors were open because it was already pass thier bedtime.*laughs*
well mama wanted to go and munch on kebabs and where's the best place to get that ?
ARAB STREET.
and finally after what happened the day before we finally got to sheesha.Cik hamid & cik siti joined us though.fun nak mampos.
well,i slept over at keemy's place after that cause pak busu had an open house the day after.
plus i've not been sleeping there for quite awhile so i figured why not just spend the night.
Keemy kept bothering fakir about his weight that night.
Mean nak mampos,mentang2 dia da loose weight.
Well we decided to watch SUSUK.The movie was quite exciting.I loved the way they twisted the story board.Keemy & me finally slept around 7 am.

Monday :
pak busu's ! open house.He kept claiming i was ignorant because during the ramadhan season he saw me together with my mumzy at geylang and i didnt say hi to him.Of course la,he kept calling out FARA.WHO THE HELL IS FARA.lol.He forgot my name.see how much people miss me.Sampai terlupe name pon ader.tak glam tau tu.-_-''
anyway yeah met all the people that i havent seen lately goodness & cik sheila's quite a good cook after all.No wonder pak busu is always kecoh.too much protein has been digested into his red blood cells.*laughs*
keemy had to go back to camp and i was eager to get back home so that i could lay my fat ass on the most comfortable furniture on earth which is MY BED.
cik hamid sent me back home by his car.How nice.
Once i was infront of my doorstep i was excitedly searching for my key when i forgot i left it on my computer desk.I was like asdlifjitjeihtoajna !??!!!??
i felt like i was even dumber than dumb & dumber.ergh.
called mumzy up & asked her where she was.She went to grandma's with my siblings and said that she'll be home by 9.
and it was only 7.30 !
So i dragged myself down to lot 1 to indulge on my favourite desert,FRIED MARS BARS.
chippy's has now been stationed at lot 1 other than far east.
*jumps for joy*ok.so you better be prepared for a fatter looking syugah.
done.The minute my lil brother saw me.
He came running while shouting this...
KAKAK SITI !! I MISS YOUUUUUUUU !!
i was like..aww.For a moment there,it seemed to me that my little brother does really know how to make me feel better.He has never said that to me & when he actually did.I smiled like it was my very first smile to a baby.
he who appreciates me will always be loved for eternity.
got back home and threw myself in bed.home sweet home.
sigh.

TUESDAY :
i am supposed to be job hunting right now..tapi pantat amirah gatal sangat.
She forgot and went to east coast with her girlfriend.BOODOH !
so now im stuck at home getting nagged by my mum because my phone bill has exceeded its limits.Mybe she's taking it away.i have a feeling she will.Well whatever,i dont pay much attention to my fone anymore.So i told her why not.
carik pasal eh aku ni.Mak tengah marah aku punya pandai pegi jawab balik.
well,she knows i was just trying to be funny.
So yeah,she's prolly gonna CONFISICATE my phone.This is so awkward because its been ages since i used that word.
ok i better stop typing.this is one really longggggggggggggggggggggg post.

raya addiction.

2008-10-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

*grabs feather duster and starts dusting away on this page*
Allright i think its coming to a month after my last post,
guess raya did really put me in such a busy position.
I've noticed that my blog is pretty wordy so lets cut this short.

Raya was unexpectedly fun.
Caught up with all the cousins and blood related people that i've missed badly.
Went for a movie and dinner date with my most adored kakak sdare and my little sister.
N levels are finally done.
Keemy has shaped up.He's no longer mister fatty pants.
Q and Luq are sorting things out.(which is a good thing of course)
I am now officially crowned as a good little girl by my daddy.*SMILES WIDELY*
I may be starting work soon.
Had an open house that almost collapsed my flat.(just exaggerating the fact)
I may be working soon,looking forward to that.
Home is now my new favourite place to escape.
There's someone from my past who's dying trying to mend things back together. There's more to everything but im just plain lazy to explain each & every one of them one by one.
i'll let the pictures do the talking.

ah and another thing is that I've noticed that it has been raining alot lately and the wheather's becoming cold.This is usually the atmosphere which will allow me to fall sick easily.I hope it wont though,because now the REAL HOLIDAY has started and i cant wait to meet up with my girls again and kick it like how we normally do.

now thats what i meant. (:

2008-09-28T05:13:00.001-07:00

your never what i am,never been,never will.

2008-09-28T03:26:00.000-07:00

"i find trusting people hard after all the shit i've been through. but still. i keep it real. so do you think i really have the time to take notice about what people have to say about me. to me what matters is that i have a great bunch of friends around me. who stick by me. who love me for who i am. and dont expect me to change for nothing. and thats great, really."

I got this off my baby's blog. I agree with whatever Q has stated up above because you are who you are for some reason. I guess situations have just been happening one after another to make me realise that other people just wants to find out how mentally strong i am. Trust me,If you think im going to drown in this big open sea,your wrong because I have my own way of swimming and hell yeah im gonna reach ashore. I love everyone around me,I thank them for everything and i'll never give up on life. Eventhough sometimes i get emotional(oh come on everyone gets emotional duhh) and that it may seem like im giving in to my emotions,i know positively that i will always be holding on to that last straw of hope deep down in my heart. And when it comes to the heart,no matter who you are,i wont give a damn about you because all i will care about is ME,MYSELF AND I. (:

ahh now that thats off my chest.I feel more calm.
Akeem came home yesterday,if only i could tell you how much i missed you.
WE NEED TO GO OUT SOON YOU BDAE MAK !
but i guess i'll just have to wait because you'll be busy with mr ns.
there goes my bestboyfriend.

My bestgirlfriend however is pulling through her own problems by herself now. How i wish i could tell you much i envy you baby,you are what they call superwoman and im glad your mine because you have gone through so much yet you still live each day like nothing has happened.Your a wonder baby,yes you are. I know your pulling through,and i know its tough but im assured that you will do it because baby your like no other girl i've met.Your gorgeous,beautiful,extremely smart,lovable,sexy,understanding,patient,generous,your everything a girlfriend needs and god has blessed you with all of these talents to help you pull through in life. I'll be there for you no matter what,im just a phone call away. Im proud of you,i sure am.(:

all i need in life is my family,you and akeem.I dont need no one else and im proud that i dont too.
(oh touching nyer ni post..suke tau aku..eh syoik sendiri eh syugah eh.hahaha.)
anyway,here are the pictures of whats been happening.enjoy love.

( me and yunisha babe )

( Q darling and me )

(mua little sister.love youuuu)

heartache.

2008-09-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

I no longer feel at ease.
My minds corrupted with everything thats trying to bring me down.
I dont feel like speaking each night,i'd prefer to tear and let the emotions run.
Havent i been catering enough to all of you ?
Would it hurt you just to give me my own little corner ?
To make me believe what I always believe in and to not make me change who i am ?
Yes,I feel uncomfortable because its hard for me to accept what people expect from me.
Everyones trying to drag me away from my very own beliefs.
Its not like im bothering your lives.
Im stuck now,between decisions that will determine the person i will become in the future.
One mistake could ruin everything that i've worked for.
I need help but i dont know who to go to because no one will ever understand this except for me.
I just hope i'll pull through this no matter what happens.
Its not that im not firm,its just that things which people expect from me can seem pretty unreasonable.
Im only 16 and i still want to explore.
give me a break.
Seriously.

how can they ?

2008-09-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

(brandy featuring kanye west - talk about our love)

What ya hear this time
Go on and speak ya mind
I know somebody's lying
It's always somethin
Her auntie told your cousin
Then all your homies jumped in
And now the whole hoods buzzin
He said, she said
Don't let it get in ya head
Baby don't say
Something that you will regret
I'm on your team
It's us against them you'll see
Hey, we ain't gon stop
They just want what we got

[Chorus:]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

[Verse 2:]

I swear they got some nerve
Spreadin what they heard
I cant give them no run
I can't be concerned with all that talk
I won't be involved
That's my word
See I'm not the one
They got me confused
They got me messed up
Don't you think I've had enough
When it comes to what we do
All that matters is us two
Don't pay them no mind
We just gon show and prove

[Chorus]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

[Kanye West:]

Heres a couple of things I can't honor man
How you listen to a girl who still wanna man
Tell me the truth is that a man or Juwanna Man
I'm wonderin why she "Ret' ta go", like Wanda Van
When we met you was a V like Madonna man
Now you went field runnin plays like Donovan
McNabb before you get in a cab
I trade in my cab
Just to take you back to last summer man
You don't remember when you was my sweetest
You don't remember I called you Reeces Pieces
Cause it's no wrong way to do you know what
She turned around giggle said you so nuts
But nowadays we actin way too grown up
But how ya ex girl get that new numba
The rumors was so numerous
For sticking by me I had to give you two thumbs up
And that's why

[Chorus:]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=264BsjOAyOU

this is for all my chickas who feel like ur restrained to do what you want in your life because people expect something from you.

oh goodness,im confused.
Why does everyone want to act too grown up.
its just not me.
but i cant do anything about it in the name of Respect.

Piece of shit.

2008-09-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

such beautiful expression on the hanya mask.Love the colours too.

Rest assured im the last person on earth you wanna mess with.
Especially if your bloody related to me.
Who the hell do you think you are showing off your inconsiderate gestures at home?
What?Do i look like a bloody wall to you?Well if i do then i congratulate you for being the most cross eyed short sighted person i've ever met.Mybe you should go for an eye check since you cant differentiate between a pathetic wall and a regular looking human being.
Trying to think your a tiger showing off those stripes,Sorry to intrude on such rude behaviour but your scratching up to a lioness you dumb ass.
Im referring you to an ass because whatever your doing lately proves that your not using your god forgiven brains to think.Instead your just using that mouth of yours to utter common remarks like
"Macam paham,Diam ah bodoh,Fucker,Shut up la bitch,Kanina and etc"...
Its sad to see you in such a situation because firstly it definitely shows that you lack vocabulary lessons,secondly, that cruel and heartless person of you is not only taking over your mentally unstable mind but its taking control of your actions too.
Why are you not consulting your die hard friends on this ? Oh,i know the answer to that because they dont give a single shit of how you feel yet your treating the one that cares for you more like your rubbish chute.
Where you get to throw all your psycho antics at yet im still standing there like nothings happened.
Do i have to knock you on the head or shove something in your eye to make you realize that i'll stand by your side no matter how you treat me ? dont tell me you've lost all 5 senses,because if your going to relate to that excuse,hunny you might as well dig yourself a grave to hide away from the shame your going to face.
You still favour those friends of yours.
Those good for nothing donkeys.Why cant you open up those eyes of yours instead of squinting away each and every thing they order you to do.
No wonder you feel like your queen at home because in the real world your just sucking up to each and everyone of your those cunning bastards.
I've trusted you enough through out the years to choose who you want to be friends with.
But your just putting your emotions on the line catering to thier needs.
WHY WONT YOU SEE IT.GOD GAVE YOU A PAIR OR EYES TO NOTICE THINGS AROUND YOU,HOW SCOUNDRELS BEHAVE,HOW TRUE FRIENDS TREAT ONE ANOTHER.
AND ITS EVEN A BLESSING YOU HAVE TWO OF THEM ! ONE TO NOTICE AND THE OTHER TO PROVE WHAT YOU SAW.
Your worship them like they're the ones who give you a bed to sleep at night,food to eat when your feeling hungry,clothes to wear over on a chilly night.
I'll tell you whats wrong with this picture,your clinging onto more of your friends than to us.
where have you placed us in your life ?
where have your priorities gone to ?
i suggest you rearrange whatever has been placed wrongly dear.
Your life's in a mess right now.You know that yourself.
Im pointing this out to you.I cant stay mad at you forever because your blood but they can.
And when they plan to take revenge,its you that will be drowning in a pool of words.
Your gonna choke because you've been sucking up to them all these years.
Just take care of yourself dear.I pity you.

Here's a warning to those nincompoops.
If you ever try to abuse her in any way you rats think you can,you better be ready to face up to the devil.
Because once you make my blood tear,you'll soon find yourself in hell the very second you hurt her.
enough said.

Well,finally something's off my chest.
akeem's in ns,i miss him terribly.
My darling Q is having her o's soon,wish her all the best.
i miss her badly too.
Im having a new hairdo tomorrow,you guys will definitely be surprised.
Its just a slight change though.So be ready (:
I do apologise to my loyal readers for such a cruel entry but i had to do it.
Hope you guys understand.My sincere apologies.
plus its the month of holyness.
So,i should be doing more good deeds right ? *laughs*
Raya Preparations are tiring me as hell.
But it'll all pay off when i get to kiss mum n dad's hands and seek forgiveness on the morning of raya.
I cant wait to do that,I did alot of wrong towards them.

Oh k this post is really long.I shall stop coz this keyboard is really getting on my nerve.
SO the keras lah.My lappy's down you see.So i had to turn to the last resort which is the desktop.

Do enjoy this month allright ?
Much love,syugs.

breath taking.

2008-08-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

'One man's trash is another man's treasure' ,Not everyone understands what this quote means but im glad to say that maybe i did get to experience the feeling of it.My life now seems ever so calm,my problems are alleviated and most importantly,i feel that my feelings are being taken care of like precious gems.Likewise,it seems that life has been showering me with tons of sweet gestures from the ones i treasure most.Whats there not to be happy about when at the end of a long day out you know you'll be smiling in bed before you head to sleep.Secretly,my life has been quite dark and hurtful each time a flashback occurs in my memory but since then the pages of my life has been handwritten with lovely experiences that touches my heart in every way thats possible.Now i have new memories to cherish,new mistakes to learn from,new emotions to appreciate,and new people to show my gratitude to.

but the main reason of my never ending happiness is that one person which i'd never thought i'd spent most of my time with.
and for us bestfriends who we never imagined we would have.thank you (:
which are my two angels from above Qraisha Jasni & Muhammad Nur Hakim .
i sayang you two,manymany,muchmuch.muwah.

WEEKENDS !

2008-08-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

HOLLA HOLLA MY GORGEOUS CHICKAS (:

its 1.56 pm and i just got home from school.Class was as usual great today.
Caught up with my long lost close friend miss nabilah after school,oh how
much i miss you girl.Wish i could turn back time and relive that experience.
Anyway ITS FRIDAYYYY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know why im so motherfuckingly excited about the weekends coming up.
ha-ha.
Looking forward to whatever im gonna do though.

initial plans for today ;

shopping (grabbing a leapord print kimono top from far east)A MUST *
- have lunch at lucky plaza's ayam penyet (thats a maybe though)
  - meet the clicks at arab street for a long lost desired sheesha session
    - head back home with mr akeem (:
      
      will be back by 1 am guys.Wait up if you want to allright ?
      have a great weekend ahead.

Morning bluez

2008-08-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

Good morning fellow readers. It's 10.12 am and im on my bed when im supposed to be sitting in my physics class in school.
Reason being that i am suffering from a very painful sting like pain in my abdominal area.
Visited the doctor yesterday and he said that it was food poisoning.I guess it was the cause of the chicken rice that i ate at an unfamiliar food court which akeem brought me too.
It looks like a banquet but its not and its located in causeway point itself. Well whatever it is,I AM NEVER SETTING FOOT IN THAT PLACE EVER AGAIN.
Know why ? Because my stomach feels like its going to tear open anytime soon.
I missed soccer practice yesterday due to this irritating fuckerooo thats dancing its way in my stomach to its own music.
I cant wait to throw those bloody army or germs all out into the toilet bowl.
Just you wait you little demons,you will regret. ha-ha .
I miss school,i miss the clicks,i miss mr clark but most of all i miss myself enjoying and laughing my freaking ass off during school hours.
Friendships are supposed to be kept genuine in every way possible.
Some people love to speak of independence and that friends do not really play a big role in thier lives.
But these few people has just been scar-ed by actions of thier own friends.
Some times even for the wrong reasons.I pity those who can never learn to forgive,forget and to love again.
I myself was considered under this category of people untill someone showed me the wonders it can do to change the way you look at situations.
People do things for specific reasons and you are no one to judge that because you are not them.
You are your own alone.You handle your own emotions,you control your own mind.You cant control others. God gave you brains to think about others,and not yourself.
God gave you eyes to see and oberserve but never to make assumptions.
God gave you ears to listen and not to hear.
God gave you a mouth to say out the facts and not fiction.
I see where you stand now,Everyone does.

Its you who should reflect on what you've done not him.

Blogging for good.

2008-08-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

So much to do,so little time.
i've noticed that time is the only thing that i need to manage right now.
Looking back at what i've been doing,im afraid its going to haunt my future.
Im not interested in knowing what i will be doing in the future though,im more of frightened about the things that will be happening around me.
Thinking if i am going to be more firm and confident when it comes to handling situations.
Whether if the pressure's going to break me down or lift me higher.
I'm only 16 and im thinking about things my friends would just joke about.Whats happening?
I'm questioning myself,i guess its just me growing into a young adult but at the same time im not too sure if i'm supposed to follow this urge i have to make decisions on my own.
Comparing myself to a baby's first step forward.
I've always been depending on people to make decisions for me,Mybe it is time.
But what do i do when all hell breaks loose?Should i just swim in calm waters and leave it all in his hands ? Or should i go forth with what i believe in.
I've got to set things straight in my life,I would not want to be the last to catch up to the world but i dont want to rush at the same time.
Still contemplating though...
well anyway..updates on my life's through my pictures.Warning.The amount of pictures you are about to be looking at might give you myopia.You may stop browsing if you wish to. haha (whatever)

Ooh and another thing...

i miss you Q.

Its never forgotten.

2008-07-09T21:59:00.001-07:00

Its the truth that brings your life together.

2008-04-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

Lying only comes down to one thing,that is deception.

God is great.If you lie to another your lying to yourself and your hurting the people around you.
Even a single tiny white lie can end you up in big pot of hot soup.Which you would sooooooo not want to get yourself involved in.Been there,done that.Regretted every moment of it.

School today was such a pain in the ass.I have never in my life quarreled with my discipline master.
He was too much.Just because your in charge of the discipline in the school,doesnt mean you can go around raising your voice at innocent upper secondary students like me.Yes,i know im in one of the most notorious class in the Normal Academic stream but who the fuck are you to raise you fucking voice at my dad ? He was just concerned about how the school is punishing students just right before the mid exams.Use some common sense of yours,your probably turning 50 now.Who punishes students 2 days right before the exams ?!
LIKE HELLO ! KEPALE HOTAK KAU PERGI MANE ?
Its extremely obvious that at this point of time,students are keen in studying what ever theres left to study correct ? and there you are punishing them at the wrong time but claiming its right.
omg where has the brains of that 50 year old cranky faggot gone to ? the bin ? My dad was just concerned and that bodoh dm of mine shouted to him on the fone.Of course,my dad is the kind of guy who has a temper management problem jadi padan muke die laaah eh.
pfft.
im just pissed about how school's are looking down upon normal academic students.
i was from the express stream and trust me,there's a WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENCE TO IT.
Well one thing's for sure,my dad kicked my dm's ass and thats good enough for me.
now i can rest in peace.
but i still have to serve my detention soon.
gaaaaaaaah.never have i had detention in my whole secondary life.
well,there's always a 1st time to everything right.so here goes.(:

Introduction of myself.

2008-04-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

here's the scoop,im the most clumsiest girl alive.
To add on that i can never eat a pathetic cone of
ice cream properly.*laughs*
im a total opposite of what people think of me at
first glance but hey im still
approachable in any way possible allright.
I do not live normally because to me,normal is very
much of a boring term to describe life.
80 % of my friends are males because i cant stand it
when females gossip.
Im proud to say that they're the key to my happiness.
I fancy the word DIFFERENT.
If you were to poses anything that gots to do with the
word different,YOURE TOTALLY RAD!(:
i do not like saying im allright when im not.
I dont like putting on a fake smile coz thats bullshit.
i'll come to my senses the very second you apologize.
Im a very positive person when it comes to looking forward.
im not saying that i dont have insecurities.
Trust me i do,like LOADS of them.
But if your planning to take away the positive outlook
in my life then i suggest you to not waste your god
forgiven time because you'll be better off being seen
as invincible in my eyes.
I HATE TO HATE.
The word 'Authenticity' describes me best.
i find the puma as the most gorgeous creature alive.
ouw & im a freak when it comes to music.:)

confirmation.

2008-04-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

testest