"i find trusting people hard after all the shit i've been through. but still. i keep it real. so do you think i really have the time to take notice about what people have to say about me. to me what matters is that i have a great bunch of friends around me. who stick by me. who love me for who i am. and dont expect me to change for nothing. and thats great, really."


I got this off my baby's blog. I agree with whatever Q has stated up above because you are who you are for some reason. I guess situations have just been happening one after another to make me realise that other people just wants to find out how mentally strong i am. Trust me,If you think im going to drown in this big open sea,your wrong because I have my own way of swimming and hell yeah im gonna reach ashore. I love everyone around me,I thank them for everything and i'll never give up on life. Eventhough sometimes i get emotional(oh come on everyone gets emotional duhh) and that it may seem like im giving in to my emotions,i know positively that i will always be holding on to that last straw of hope deep down in my heart. And when it comes to the heart,no matter who you are,i wont give a damn about you because all i will care about is ME,MYSELF AND I. (:


ahh now that thats off my chest.I feel more calm.
Akeem came home yesterday,if only i could tell you how much i missed you.
WE NEED TO GO OUT SOON YOU BDAE MAK !
but i guess i'll just have to wait because you'll be busy with mr ns.
there goes my bestboyfriend.


My bestgirlfriend however is pulling through her own problems by herself now. How i wish i could tell you much i envy you baby,you are what they call superwoman and im glad your mine because you have gone through so much yet you still live each day like nothing has happened.Your a wonder baby,yes you are. I know your pulling through,and i know its tough but im assured that you will do it because baby your like no other girl i've met.Your gorgeous,beautiful,extremely smart,lovable,sexy,understanding,patient,generous,your everything a girlfriend needs and god has blessed you with all of these talents to help you pull through in life. I'll be there for you no matter what,im just a phone call away. Im proud of you,i sure am.(:

all i need in life is my family,you and akeem.I dont need no one else and im proud that i dont too.
(oh touching nyer ni post..suke tau aku..eh syoik sendiri eh syugah eh.hahaha.)
anyway,here are the pictures of whats been happening.enjoy love.














( me and yunisha babe )





( Q darling and me )










(mua little sister.love youuuu)

I no longer feel at ease.
My minds corrupted with everything thats trying to bring me down.
I dont feel like speaking each night,i'd prefer to tear and let the emotions run.
Havent i been catering enough to all of you ?
Would it hurt you just to give me my own little corner ?
To make me believe what I always believe in and to not make me change who i am ?
Yes,I feel uncomfortable because its hard for me to accept what people expect from me.
Everyones trying to drag me away from my very own beliefs.
Its not like im bothering your lives.
Im stuck now,between decisions that will determine the person i will become in the future.
One mistake could ruin everything that i've worked for.
I need help but i dont know who to go to because no one will ever understand this except for me.
I just hope i'll pull through this no matter what happens.
Its not that im not firm,its just that things which people expect from me can seem pretty unreasonable.
Im only 16 and i still want to explore.
give me a break.
Seriously.

(brandy featuring kanye west - talk about our love)

What ya hear this time
Go on and speak ya mind
I know somebody's lying
It's always somethin
Her auntie told your cousin
Then all your homies jumped in
And now the whole hoods buzzin
He said, she said
Don't let it get in ya head
Baby don't say
Something that you will regret
I'm on your team
It's us against them you'll see
Hey, we ain't gon stop
They just want what we got

[Chorus:]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

[Verse 2:]

I swear they got some nerve
Spreadin what they heard
I cant give them no run
I can't be concerned with all that talk
I won't be involved
That's my word
See I'm not the one
They got me confused
They got me messed up
Don't you think I've had enough
When it comes to what we do
All that matters is us two
Don't pay them no mind
We just gon show and prove

[Chorus]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

[Kanye West:]

Heres a couple of things I can't honor man
How you listen to a girl who still wanna man
Tell me the truth is that a man or Juwanna Man
I'm wonderin why she "Ret' ta go", like Wanda Van
When we met you was a V like Madonna man
Now you went field runnin plays like Donovan
McNabb before you get in a cab
I trade in my cab
Just to take you back to last summer man
You don't remember when you was my sweetest
You don't remember I called you Reeces Pieces
Cause it's no wrong way to do you know what
She turned around giggle said you so nuts
But nowadays we actin way too grown up
But how ya ex girl get that new numba
The rumors was so numerous
For sticking by me I had to give you two thumbs up
And that's why

[Chorus:]

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out

The more they talk about our love
The more they make it obvious
The more they seem so envious
How can they talk about our love
When they don't know one thing about
Instead they just runnin they mouth
So all we do is tune them out


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=264BsjOAyOU


this is for all my chickas who feel like ur restrained to do what you want in your life because people expect something from you.

oh goodness,im confused.
Why does everyone want to act too grown up.
its just not me.
but i cant do anything about it in the name of Respect.

such beautiful expression on the hanya mask.Love the colours too.




Rest assured im the last person on earth you wanna mess with.
Especially if your bloody related to me.
Who the hell do you think you are showing off your inconsiderate gestures at home?
What?Do i look like a bloody wall to you?Well if i do then i congratulate you for being the most cross eyed short sighted person i've ever met.Mybe you should go for an eye check since you cant differentiate between a pathetic wall and a regular looking human being.
Trying to think your a tiger showing off those stripes,Sorry to intrude on such rude behaviour but your scratching up to a lioness you dumb ass.
Im referring you to an ass because whatever your doing lately proves that your not using your god forgiven brains to think.Instead your just using that mouth of yours to utter common remarks like
"Macam paham,Diam ah bodoh,Fucker,Shut up la bitch,Kanina and etc"...
Its sad to see you in such a situation because firstly it definitely shows that you lack vocabulary lessons,secondly, that cruel and heartless person of you is not only taking over your mentally unstable mind but its taking control of your actions too.
Why are you not consulting your die hard friends on this ? Oh,i know the answer to that because they dont give a single shit of how you feel yet your treating the one that cares for you more like your rubbish chute.
Where you get to throw all your psycho antics at yet im still standing there like nothings happened.
Do i have to knock you on the head or shove something in your eye to make you realize that i'll stand by your side no matter how you treat me ? dont tell me you've lost all 5 senses,because if your going to relate to that excuse,hunny you might as well dig yourself a grave to hide away from the shame your going to face.
You still favour those friends of yours.
Those good for nothing donkeys.Why cant you open up those eyes of yours instead of squinting away each and every thing they order you to do.
No wonder you feel like your queen at home because in the real world your just sucking up to each and everyone of your those cunning bastards.
I've trusted you enough through out the years to choose who you want to be friends with.
But your just putting your emotions on the line catering to thier needs.
WHY WONT YOU SEE IT.GOD GAVE YOU A PAIR OR EYES TO NOTICE THINGS AROUND YOU,HOW SCOUNDRELS BEHAVE,HOW TRUE FRIENDS TREAT ONE ANOTHER.
AND ITS EVEN A BLESSING YOU HAVE TWO OF THEM ! ONE TO NOTICE AND THE OTHER TO PROVE WHAT YOU SAW.
Your worship them like they're the ones who give you a bed to sleep at night,food to eat when your feeling hungry,clothes to wear over on a chilly night.
I'll tell you whats wrong with this picture,your clinging onto more of your friends than to us.
where have you placed us in your life ?
where have your priorities gone to ?
i suggest you rearrange whatever has been placed wrongly dear.
Your life's in a mess right now.You know that yourself.
Im pointing this out to you.I cant stay mad at you forever because your blood but they can.
And when they plan to take revenge,its you that will be drowning in a pool of words.
Your gonna choke because you've been sucking up to them all these years.
Just take care of yourself dear.I pity you.

Here's a warning to those nincompoops.
If you ever try to abuse her in any way you rats think you can,you better be ready to face up to the devil.
Because once you make my blood tear,you'll soon find yourself in hell the very second you hurt her.
enough said.


Well,finally something's off my chest.
akeem's in ns,i miss him terribly.
My darling Q is having her o's soon,wish her all the best.
i miss her badly too.
Im having a new hairdo tomorrow,you guys will definitely be surprised.
Its just a slight change though.So be ready (:
I do apologise to my loyal readers for such a cruel entry but i had to do it.
Hope you guys understand.My sincere apologies.
plus its the month of holyness.
So,i should be doing more good deeds right ? *laughs*
Raya Preparations are tiring me as hell.
But it'll all pay off when i get to kiss mum n dad's hands and seek forgiveness on the morning of raya.
I cant wait to do that,I did alot of wrong towards them.


Oh k this post is really long.I shall stop coz this keyboard is really getting on my nerve.
SO the keras lah.My lappy's down you see.So i had to turn to the last resort which is the desktop.

Do enjoy this month allright ?
Much love,syugs.